My PhD Journey (after 40 months)

Assalamualaikum, 

Hi semua...dalam sibuk sibuk dgn urusan dunia reality, I wanna squeeze this morning to jot down few things about my PhD journey. I started the study in July 2018, with full-time mode. Dengan izin Allah, I got the study leave that I applied, along with sponsorship to further this PhD. Syukur! Ada yang sudi sponsor my study since Foundation to PhD. Alhamdulillah #doaandsacrifices comes along. 

Literally, the first semester was spent to acquire the data from the data owner. I started requesting the data in May 2018, two months earlier than my enrollment date, worrying the process would take longer. Alhamdulillah, data request process was smoother than I thought. So, when I started the PhD, the first few months were focused on arranging the data, checking their quality, sorting and writing the literature review part. I have also loaded the data into specific software to view and play around with them. 

In November 2018, both husband and I along with our parents and sister went to Saudi to perform our umrah. It was the first time for me and the best experienced I had so far. Rindunya Madinah & Mekah. I have written one of the unbelievable experiences I had while in Madinah in this entry about Raudhah. 

Right away after returning from Saudi, I boarded another flight to Paris for an international workshop with research members of the International Geoscience Correlation Program (IGCP) for our 667 Project related to The World Map of Orogens. I just realized that I have not written anything about my Paris trip in this dear blog of mine. I spend merely two weeks in Paris and took the opportunity to finish my proposal write for the PhD. I also spent most of my time in Ecole Normale Superior (ENS) where my supervisor is leading a geological lab. 

Participants of the IGCP 667 first workshop in Paris

Following my return to Malaysia, I had submitted the full proposal and defended my research ideas in February 2019. I had shared some tips for defending PhD proposal in this entry. In the same semester, I have to present the progress of the PhD since I was already in the second semester of the study. During this time, most time was spent working in the university, with my workstation (which my husband helped to carry and set up in my office, Thank you You!). It involved lots of frustration because I have to re-do the work many times. 

Before I forget, by July 2019, a year into this PhDJourney, I had to change supervisors twice due to unavoidable matters internally within the university. The first supervisor was Prof Ghani and Prof Michael. Both of them left the institution around the same time (end 2018), and Dr Chow took over as the main Sv with Dr Benjamin. By June 2019, Dr Chow left UTP and Dr Benjamin had become my supervisor along with Dr Mirza. So, most of my works were assisted by Dr Benjamin. By December 2019, where the world had started to worry about newly form virus in Wuhan, China, I begins to prepare a manuscript for publication. This was elaborated from my second progress report presented to the department in Nov 2019. I continue writing and working with the seismic and well data, preparing for the next semester etc etc until one day before I delivered my youngest on 13th March 2020. 

Then, the world pandemic begins and things had turned virtually and online all over the world. So as my PhD study was mostly done at home after the arrival of Imaad Hafiy. Pandemic and lockdown is another story that affected us in many ways. I am lucky that I have completed most of the major workstation research by that time which I no longer need to use sophisticated software to analyze the data. With newborn baby and three elder children at home during the lockdown, I took it slowly with my PhD until June 2020 where I realized I need to start submitting the manuscript that I have written earlier. So, while the baby and the elder three were sleeping, their ummi was working with her first publication. I feel like a zombie for several months. In between writing, I will run away to bed to feed Imaad who is a milk junkie even until now.

After presenting in Virtual Conference (July 21)

Long story cut short, the first paper was published in early 2021 after a series of traumatized reviewing processses. I almost gave up. During the submission process, I have started analyzing and writing the other sets of data to meet the second objective of my PhD work. The second manuscript was ready for submission by April 2021. I am more confident with the second manuscript and as expected, reviewers liked what we wrote. In one month plus, the manuscript was published. The experience with the second manuscript was a pleasant one as compared to the first one. But both of these papers are dear to my heart because I have sacrificed and put my tears into the analysis and writing processes.  Call me over reacting, but I'm emotional like that. If your want to take a look into these papers, just search my name in Google Scholar or Research Gate. 

My study table at home. I decided to buy one for myself after lockdown started and I know most of my PhD years will be spent working from home. 

After the publication of the second manuscript, I begin to focus on the last part of the work, focusing more on the quantitative analysis. I am lucky to get help from a researcher in South Korea. We developed a relationship as a friend and share the same interest in geological subsidence. Over a few communications and video calls, I have finally been able to produce results from the data. I am indeed thankful for the technology that helps to connect ppl for this good purpose. I quickly get in touch and tried my luck to discuss the results I had in the last part with one of the expert matter we have in Malaysia. Alhamdulillah, had gotten such supportive feedback. Again, thanks to technology for connecting us. It took several weeks to finally come to the correct result and presentation and get approval to proceed with writing. 

Well, some may wonder why do I have to connect and find bits of help from the external parties while I already have my own supervisors in the university. To be honest, along the way, I changed supervisor again. 

Dr Benjamin had to left from France because he needs to be near to his family during the pandemic. So, Dr Mirza had become the main SV for a short while, before his contract with the university was not continued. I get too used to the change of supervisors and I feel numb to the process. I am lucky because all supervisors accepted the work that I am doing and do not interfere much with my research ideas and styles. By January 2021, I discussed the situation with the Head of the Department and expressed my intention to appoint him as the main SV because he is the only one I feel had a secure position in the department at that time. He was a bit reluctant because the work that I am doing is not within his expertise, but I convinced him that I will not make much trouble. So, he agreed. and Dr Ahmed who knew a bit more about what I am doing as the co-SV. To my surprise, Dr Ahmed had to leave the institution by Nov 2021 before able to see me complete my study. I am still lucky because the main SV had helped with the thesis corrections. 

And I am luckiest because I still have Prof Manuel from day 1 until today. Prof Manuel, who is fully based in ENS, Paris had been my field supervisor. He was my main SV during my MSc study (although he had to be back to Paris earlier in 2014, but we maintained the relationship until present). Of course it is not easy to maintain a long distance communication with time and cultural differences. I always end up waiting in front of the laptop when Prof Manuel could not make it to our online meeting. I even feel traumatized to set up a meeting with him at one stage of this journey because I know I will feel frustrated at the end since he will not show up or I don't meet his expectation. 

Prof Manuel when he visited my workstation in Sep 2018

in Manu's office (ENS) when I visited Paris in Dec 2018

The only one who will keep on pushing me not to let myself goes deeper into the frustration or anxiety is my husband! Sorry abang for all the throw-ups. Thanks for lending me your ears and shoulders. Also for always being so pushy, I can't even tahan, so I will just do it so you will stop pushing me. Because at the end of the day, I will come back to you smiling and happy when Prof likes what I have been working for. 

This picture was taken on the first day I registered as PhD study

11th July 2018 with the pushing factor. 

Love you suami!

Well, November 2021 is my 40th month as a PhD student. I had just finished two dry-runs (rehearsal) sessions with Prof Ghani and Prof Manuel (along with my Chee Meng, my PhD buddy) in separate sessions. I would say I am feeling a bit relieved after listening to their feedback on the work. InshaALLAH,  with a little bit more improvement, I am ready to go. 

Thats my phdbaby, Imaad Hafiy!

He always "teman"ummi work late at night. 

Next week, I will be presenting the research works for this 3.5 years for Research Completion Seminar to panel of examiners within my university and I am hopeful that I am able to make them understand the work that I had done. I hope the thesis will do justice and I can get a green light to proceed for viva nomination. 

Those reading, thank you. 

Please make your doa for me to be able to deliver the work dengan lancar dan mudah untuk the examiners to understand what I wanted to deliver. 

Selepas setahun sebagai PhD student....

Rasanya ialah LONELY!
Tak tau la orang lain yg dalam journey yang sama mcm I ni rasa ke tak perasaan lonely ni..
Lonely bukan sebab tak ada kawan, bukan sebab tak ada keluarga.
Lebih kepada Lonely sebab rasa mcm diri ni seorang je ke yg tgh buat benda ni.
Research ni nak rujuk dekat siapa?
Siapa boleh tolong jawabkan apa yg kusut dalam kepala ni?
Ini penyebab utama rasa Lonely ni.

Kadang-kadang bersembang dengan husband pasal research..
Iyalah, dia pun cuba sedaya upaya nak memahami..
Secara am nya dia fahamlah apa yg I plan to do, sedang buat ..
Cuma in details kita nak terangkan pun nanti dia tak faham jugak,
sebab kita sendiri pun tak berapa nak faham. hahahaha

Bila baca kisah pelajar PhD, kebanyakkan menulis cabaran masing-masing.
I pun sama, tak lari dari cabaran-cabarannya. But bukanlah cabaran yg besar, bukanlah terlalu berat.
Setiap yg berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya, dan kena sentiasa think positive, look at the problem on the brighter side.
Setelah setahun bergelar pelajar PhD, dugaan utama actually nak memahami konsep dan nak siapkan kerja dgn cepat supaya dapat habis cepat. This is my biggest challenge, which actually comes from myself sendiri.

I dapat cuti belajar 3 tahun, which means, sekarang tinggal lagi 2 tahun je lagi.
I juga tertakluk pada syarat graduation iaitu kena publish 2 papers dalam scopus index journals.
Publish ye, bukan sekadar submit.
Ini semua dah jadi kebiasaan universiti di Malaysia, untuk mengejar KPI uni masing-masing.
Pelajar agak tertekan actually. But do we have a choice?  rather than just to embrace it.

Supervisor
I dah 3 kali tukar main supervisor.
Bukan sebab tukar topic. Alhamdulillah topic masih maintain yg sama sejak dari register sehingga sekarang.
SV pertama cuma bertahan selama 4-5 bulan je, lepas tu dia pencen (kontrak x disambung).
SV kedua bertahan untuk 7 bulan. Tetapi his existence is more like pemberi markah dan signature apabila perlu.
SV ketiga, merangkap my co-sv initially just begins his part as main sv about a month ago.
But so far so good , relationship dgn dia ok, scientific discussion going on well.
Cuma , biasa lah, setiap yg results yg kita share, pasti akan di komen untuk penambah baikkan.
Bersyukur jugak lah, walaupun in the beginning part supervision ni mcam menampakkan jalan buntu.

My field sv is still the same. Which was my sv masa buat MSc dulu. Just that he is far in Paris. jarang2 we all contact but I send him email once in a while to keep him updated.


I have submitted two abstracts for conferences. Satu kena reject, satu accepted.
InsyaAllah tak ada aral, akan present dan publish paper dekat conference ni.

Also, I'm pregnant with my no 4 now!
Tak tau nak gelak happy or gelak sedih.
Both actually.
Happy lah sebab nak bertambah ahli keluarga.
Cuma cuak berdebar memikirkan mampu ke nak siapkan PhD ni dlam tempoh cuti yg berbaki lagi 2 tahun je lagi.
Bila fikir jadi stress rasa nak kena push study study.
Balik rumah je cita-cita tinggi nak kena stay up or bangun awal untuk ulang kaji.
But, end up, I tidor dgn nyeyak sebab penat sgt badan.

I'm still in my first trimester and Iyaadh is still bottle feeding and on diaper Itu jugk mungkin punca penat yg extra sbb malam-malam still bangun bancuhkan susu dia.

well, till then.

gtg.

Tips for research proposal defense

Assalamualaikum,

After about 7 months registered as a PhD student, I managed to present my research proposal for the proposal defense on 15th February 2019. It was Friday morning and was attended by three panels.

Started at around 10.10am and end up at 11.30.
Almost 1 hr 30 minutes jugaklah.

Of course, I was sweating throughout the presentation and can't wait for the final slide to appear on the screen.

I had actually submitted my research proposal to the panels of examiners on 30th Jan, allowing them at least two weeks to go through the proposal in written format.

Overall, I passed the proposal and the examiners agreed with what has been proposed.

They also suggested some improvement in the methodology, to be more quantitative in terms of extracting the porosity values using QI and velocity data.
I am yet to explore on that part.

It was a relief somehow that I passed the RPD without much alteration on the proposal but also explains that I only have 2.5 yrs to go.  Alhamdulillah and Allahuakbar.

No picture was taken on this day, haha.

If you asked me for tips to do RPD, a little I can share are listed below:

1. Wake up early that morning. If possible, make it a routine to wake up early.
If you are a Muslim, perform Tahajud Prayer and make lots of doa.
Recite Al-Quran. This will help you to feel calm.

2. Had a glance through at your presentation slides around 1-2 hrs before the real presentation.

3. Upload your slides and proposal in any drive on the internet. I used OneDrive.
You can also opt for GoogleDrive, Dropbox etc. This will be your back-up.

4. Download the slides from the drive, into the computer at the presentation room. Avoid using USB in public used computer. To reduce the chances of virus/malware transfer. Go through the slides once more in the presentation room. If the room is not available a few hrs before the presentation, try to familiarize the room a few days before the presentation.

5. Make sure your research proposal in written format is ready prior to the presentation, even if the examiners did not read it, it shows that you are ready
It also made you look more confident.

6. It would be great if you have preliminary results, or testing analysis and present it during the proposal defense. With this, the examiners can really see how far you are in your research and to give more confidence in your proposed methods.

7. It is very OK if your preliminary results are not what you expected. If it is showing the unexpected way from what you actually want, report it. Make sure not to repeat the same mistake, procedures, investigate it. This is what we call as research.

8.  Literature review: Be critical. Do not just cite and rephrase. Example: There are several proposed models by different authors. Mentioned all (or if too much, the most significant to your area), then state which model do you prefer, and why. Also mention that throughout your research, you will be based on this model etc. Same goes to several opinions in some matters.

9. Do not argue with the examiners. Keep calm if they did not agree with what you presented. Say politely your opinions and thanked them for giving the feedbacks(even if it is lame feedback).

10. Smile. Hide your nervousness and dress well to keep yourself confident. after all, you are the subject matter of expert for the research you plan to conduct.


Till then,

Love,
Athi

How did I end up being a PhD student?

Assalamualaikum semua.

It has been very looooong time since I last wrote anything related to academic in this blog. In fact, blog ni pon sendu semacam dah. No one reads blog nowadays. We prefers social media like Insta and Facebook. Well, since blogspot still wujud, I would just write something la for the record.

I am now a PhD student. It's one of the biggest decision in my life! Hahah, sounds so difficult kan nak buat decision utk embark to this stage of life. Takut wei nak buat PhD. Because I'm afraid of failure and at this stage of life, at 31 years old, with three kids who had actually started schooling, comfortable job (eh?), I think deciding to further my study to higher level is a bit crazy! Even though ramai je orang lain buat , even some of them pjj from their husband or family while furthering their higher degree.

How did I end up at this stage of life huh?

Visit office ke-2 Ayah

Well well well, 

Our last weekend was spent efficiently. 

11th April, pi Jitra sebab adik bertunang. Then, malam spent time dgn mak sedara pak sedara sepupu2 and dua pupu semua. 

12th April, pagi2 dah rancak sembang ngn parents. Kecoh satu rumah suara kitaorg anak beranak. I mmg cakap banyak, dapat geng ngn ayah, sembang pot pet pot pet non stop. Campur gaduh mulut bagai la. Adat la kan camtu. 

Sampai lambat bertolak gi Penang. Plan asal nak drop by rumah tok kat bayan lepas. nak visit tok n makcik2 I kat sana while husband pi jumpa sv dia kat Usm.  Tapi sebab dah lambat keluar rumah, so kitaorg pi Usm teruih ja la.